When you are paying for an hour’s entertainment, you want to know exactly what you’re going to get, right?
Well, remember when you were at school and you had an hour-long lesson?
Double Maths with Mrs Yawn or Double Science with Mr Boring.
You’d pull out every trick in the book to eat into as many of those 60 minutes as possible. Turning up 5 minutes late, asking lots of questions, or setting the gas taps alight.
When you book Magic Russ for a 1 hour magic extravaganza, you get an hour’s entertainment.
He’ll arrive a good 45 minutes before he’s on to examine his dressing room - ensuring that you’ve separated the Smarties, by colour, into individual bowls, as per the terms of his contract.
Then, once the partygoers start to arrive, Russ’ll take 2 puffs on his mum’s asthma inhaler before assembling balloon models for everyone while everybody’s favourite* party tunes blast out of his top of the range Bose PA Sound System.
*It won’t be everybody’s favourite music. It’ll be that rubbish the kids like. Modern stuff. No Agadoo, I’m afraid.
With the music playing, it’s time for Russ to power up his unique gadget - the incredible King Sized Smoke Filled Bubble Machine. And yes, you guessed it, it produces king sized bubbles that are filled with smoke.
The bloke who named it clearly wasn’t very creative, but it goes down a storm with 4-year-olds and 104-year-olds alike.
After a quick bit of Hokey Cokey to get everyone ready, it’s time for a 35 minute interactive comedy magic show, featuring a modern blend of audience participation, mind-blowing magic, and special guest appearances from a few of Magic Russ’ friends - Dave The Wonderdog, Chico The Mind-Reading Monkey, Puddles The Platypus and Dippy The Smoke Blowing Dragon.
Naturally, your birthday boy or girl will be made the real star of the show, but there’s never any pressure to come up and participate, if they’re a bit shy.
While the kids are still trying to work out how he did the tricks (hint: it’s real magic), Russ will oversee a game of pass the parcel, working through 10 layers of luxury prizes - not the sort of plastic tat you get in a Christmas cracker.
But rest assured, Magic Russ was personally trained in the art of fixing games by MI5, so the birthday child will always win the best prize, no matter how suspicious it makes the other children.
Finally, there’s 25 minutes of high-energy party games played to the latest and best-loved pop tunes, with armfuls of fantastic prizes and giveaways throughout.
There’s no elimination though, don’t worry. Nobody likes to be ‘out’ now, do they?
None of the kids will leave empty-handed, so once the party’s over every child goes home with an endlessly entertaining Magic Russ punchball balloon, some sweets, and a postcard to remember Dave The Wonderdog by.
But the real star of the show, your little one, will be presented with a plush 44cm replica Dave The Wonderdog Hand Puppet worth £24.99, making sure they never forget the fun they had.
(Russ stopped giving out real dogs after calls from the RSPCA)
Finally, Russ will vanish in a huge puff of smoke (or in a 1973 lime green Reliant Robin when his wife arrives to pick him up).